Local News

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with the local news and I finally realized why.


First, they never just tell you the story. Like they won’t just say a hurricane is coming and you should probably leave. Instead they always gotta start with a snarky little intro. Something cheesy like:

A huff and a puff and he’ll blow your house down, is hurricane Harvey coming to town? Find out next..

Just completely unnecessary and over the top dramatic for no reason. It’s like every news anchor thinks that this is going to lead to their big break if they deliver the line just right.

Also, the ordering of the stories makes no sense. For example, on one show the first story was about a hurricane, a major national news story, which completely makes sense to lead with. The second story was about a dog rescuing a child from drowning which would lead you to believe it was a slow news day but then came the third story. The third story was about a double murder! Now I know PETA has made major strides but when did smart dogs become more important than unsolved murders? That means there was a news producer that actually thought:

You know what, two murders just isn’t sexy enough, they might change the channel. We should move the dog story up.


  1. Weird interviewees are the best
  2. Watching office drama break out on live tv is mesmerizing
  3. Actually knowing what’s going on locally