Canadian Mexican Standoff

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Two friends sit on couch watching a basketball game. Their eyes are glued to the screen as they both simultaneously reach for the last slice of pizza that sits on the coffee table in front of them. They touch hands.

VINCENT

Oh, my bad bro. Go ahead, you can have the last slice.

HASSAN

No you’re my guest, you have it.

VINCENT

No worries man. I probably ate more than you. You have it.

HASSAN

Dude, you reached for it. Just take it.

Vincent stands up in a way that is super intimidating. This is getting weird.

VINCENT

Hassan, I really insist.

Hassan also stands up.

HASSAN

You insist? Well I maintain that as my guest the last slice is yours. Those are the rules in this household.

VINCENT

C’mon man, are we really doing this?

Hassan doesn’t budge. He pulls a switchblade out of his hoody.

HASSAN

Eat the fucking slice Vincent.

Vincent steps back in surprise and fear.

VINCENT

Well damn, I guess I have no choice then.

Vincent reaches down as if to take the slice of pizza. But instead quickly pulls a gun from underneath the coffee table.

VINCENT

Except to kindly return the favour. Enjoy your slice...bro.

Hassan is clearly shocked by this turn of events. He drops the knife and raises his arms.

HASSAN

This is getting out of hand. We’re friends remember? What if we split it?

Vincent cooly shakes his head and slowly begins to pull on the trigger.

VINCENT

We both know it’s too late for that.

HASSAN

Okay! Okay! I’ll eat it! But since you clearly wanted more let’s just order another pizza. I promise I’m not trying anything funny.

Vincent with his gun still pointed at Hassan picks up a cell phone off the table and inspects it.

VINCENT

You bought the last one so I’ll buy this one.

Vincent dials with one hand and puts the phone to his ear. As he does this he notices a slight grin on Hassan’s face. It’s unsettling. SUDDENLY, A THIRD PERSON APPEARS FROM BEHIND VINCENT AND PISTOL WHIPS HIM ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD. He is instantly knocked unconscious.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

Vincent lies upright on a hospital stretcher with his eyes closed. Hassan sits beside him reading a magazine. Vincent slowly opens his eyes and begins to take in his surroundings.

VINCENT

What the hell man?! You knocked me out? That crosses the line dude. That’s messed up.

Hassan folds up his magazine.

HASSAN

Is it? Guess who’s paying for this beautiful private room? And the delicious pizza concoction being pumped into you right now. Hassan nod’s to the IV tube pumping a disgusting yellow liquid into Vincent’s body.

VINCENT

That’s the last slice isn’t it?

HASSAN

No, that’s the pee tube. But the other one is.

VINCENT

Oh wow. Thanks?

HASSAN

You’re welcome man. Anything for a friend.