World Panics After Wikipedia Finally Runs Out Of Money

Wikipedia filed for bankruptcy early this morning, bringing the free online encyclopedia offline after a failed last-ditch fundraising effort. “We thought people would realize how badly we needed the money once we increased our fundraising ads to 90% of the total page but it turns out we severely underestimated just how much people really hate paying for content on the internet,” said CEO Jimmy Wales, adding that with no money left over to support hosting costs the encyclopedia is now spread out over various laptop hard drives. “I recently just tried pulling up the page about depression before quickly remembering that it was on Erin’s computer.”

Industry experts predict this bankruptcy will spur the largest drop in global productivity since the election of Donald Trump in late 2016. “I’m not even sure I’m able to do my job without Wikipedia” said one frustrated researcher and grad student. Another student we spoke with said “I’m definitely going to be speaking with my local politician to see if we can fix this. It’s just taking me a bit longer than expected to figure out who my local politician is without the use of Wikipedia.” It’s not all doom and gloom however, as industry experts also predict a steep drop in fights between friends who will now just have to agree to disagree rather than fight over obscure trivia facts.