??? film criticism in 140 characters or less
CLUMSY CAREER WOMAN FINALLY FINDS A MAN
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Starring: Quirky chick, architect
This is a fantastic fucking film. Sure the characters, dialogue and plot are all paper thin but it’s amazing Netflix and chill material. You see what I did there? Fantastic fucking film? Where do I go to pick up my Pulitzer?
PEOPLE IN CAPES BLOW STUFF UP REPEATEDLY
Starring: Everyone & their mama
It was good I guess. Just all a bit much. Speaking of which, did you know that 3D films now cost $18? MAN YOU KNOW I GOT STUDENT LOANS AND SHIT.
THIS HAPPENED DURING WWII SO IT’S DEFFO IMPORTANT
Starring: Meryl Streep
Way too long. People are putting out life changing content in 7 seconds online but you need three and a half hours to tell me about a couple of wartime scammers? And people say our generation is entitled…
DISNEY CHARACTERS GIVE YOU ALL THE FEELS
Starring: Extreme vocal fry, token black voice
I laughed, I cried, I reminisced. 90s nostalgia is a hell of a drug.
UNDERACHIEVING MAN CHILD GOOFS OFF
Starring: Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow stand-in, various other white dudes
All the funny bits are in the trailer. In fact, the only funny bit left out is when he comedically show his….never mind I just realized there’s a red band trailer.
EVEN MORE DEFINITIVE PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS FUCKED
Starring: Academics trying to be cool, Morgan Freeman voiceover
Yo old people, we get it. You screwed us over – quit bragging about it.