Most unexpected premature balding: That one guy that used to kind of look like Kurt Cobain
Most humblebrags per minute of conversation: Your co-worker who just got into crossfit
Most annoying Facebook friend: Your ex
Most gullible: The girl that keeps reposting really dumb conspiracy theories
Most surprising bigot: The guy you used to buy weed from
Most unsurprising coming out announcement: Spenser from glee club
Most captivating glow up: That girl you were once kind of friends with
Most likely to be a serial killer: Your landlord
Most successful: Definitely not you